Reading Aspies through a Conventional Lens
“All human beings look out at the world through eye glasses imposed upon them by their own neurology. Then, they assign meaning to the behavior of others according to the meaning that behavior would have were they themselves engaged in it. Most times the guess is correct, but sometimes – like when neurotypicals (NTs) are looking at autistics – the guess can be wrong.” Judy Endow
Often wrong, yes. Tell it like it is, Judy Endow. My workplace held a training session on diversity and inclusion today, conducted by a very well informed and personable national consultant, David Bowman of Boston. I asked him how to deal with this kind of misinterpretation, when people interpret the behavior of an autistic along convention lines.
I told him that I know from what others say later that on first meeting I can come off as standoffish (I’m inwardly focused, concentrate intensely, dislike interruption, feel uncomfortable with eye contact, run on either a logical / thinking or social / emotional track and at the office often opt for the former and sometimes withdraw from overwhelming sensory triggers like strong perfume or a loud voice). They can interpret this as coldness or arrogance, neither of which is in my character.
I told him I have tried to help people interpret me correctly by disclosing my autism but found that even most educated people don’t know what that means, which leads to more and sometimes worse misinterpretation (a colleague recently supposed that I don’t drive because I have trouble focusing — Aspies are hyperfocused when engaged in an activity that interests them, and survival in the moment is in everyone’s interest — it’s the sensory issues that are stressful).
He apologized that he didn’t have any help for me, saying this was beyond his expertise. However, he added what he said what he hoped was a compliment — that I didn’t seem autistic or in any way socially inappropriate to him — I interacted positively with others, and he’d been watching me carefully since I asked challenging questions. He’d guessed I was one of the PhDs he’d known would be there (but hadn’t wanted named so that didn’t bias him), because I’d made him think, but that was it. I have to say, I was relieved.